Hmm, that's strange... My newborn does not weigh 35lbs...

Everyone tells you not to get too upset if you have to wear maternity clothes home from the hospital. I packed my maternity jeans and a non-maternity cotton shirt (with a bit of stretch to it). Putting my jeans on over my deflated body, I thought to myself, "Well, these fit much looser. Not too bad for just giving birth yesterday." After wearing nothing but a hospital gown for the last couple days, I walked out of the bathroom in an outfit that showed off my post-pregnancy body a little better. My husband took one look at me and smiled and went back to watching tv. I guess I thought maybe he was going to look at me and say, "Wow, you look amazing! You look exactly like you did before you got pregnant! I'm so lucky to be married to be married to such a beautiful woman! I would never have believe that you just gave birth yesterday." He never said that, but part of me thought he was thinking it... The crazy part of me.
Finally, we were discharged from the hospital and back home. As my husband and I were getting everything unloaded from the car, our neighbor walked up our driveway.
"So, did you have your baby yet?" she asked.
I laughed, thinking she was joking.
"Yep," I answered, waiting for her to go into the whole, "you look amazing, I can't believe it" thing.
She gave me a blank stare.
"Nuh, uh," she said.
I looked at her like she was from another planet. How could she think I was still pregnant?
"No, seriously, the baby's right here."
"Oh, I thought you were joking! You really had the baby!"

Moral of the story: Very few people come out of childbirth looking exactly like they did before. And as much as you try, you can't really prepare yourself for the disappointment that you are not one of those very few people.

Everyone has a different opinion on when you should start working out again. I say, start when you feel like you can. Having a baby brings a whole new level of stress into your life. Before, I used to handle my stress by smoking or going to happy hour after work. But now I have gotten rid of the cigarettes and have postponed the alcohol for the next year.
Breastfeeding did help me lose weight and helped my stomach to go down... initially. Like many Americans, I knew that stress for me would lead to stress-eating. I couldn't get the relief from a puff on a cigarette or a sip of vodka and cranberry, but I knew that I had access to ice cream, chips and cookies. It was then I decided that I needed to start working out right away.

I'll be honest, I hate working out. The first five minutes of being on the treadmill are hell for me. I keep a towel over the timer. After being on there, jogging at a pretty good pace, I decide to check the time, thinking that I've been working out for at least 25 minutes.... WHAT?! I've only been on this stupid thing for 7 minutes! That scenario happens literally every time I go to the gym. I hate working out. But after a serious work-out, I'll walk out to my car feeling a lot better than I did when I walked in. There's something about working out that leaves me feeling happier. It gives me a clearer head. It also gives me more energy, which I need right now. Also, going to the gym makes you feel good about yourself. Your lazy single friend calls you up after a day walking around the mall, drinking high-calorie iced coffees.
"Hey, I'm just leaving the mall. I need to get home before my show about teenagers, which I am too old to be watching, comes on. What did you do today?"
"Oh, not too much. Just leaving the gym," you say, smiling, on your way home to watch that show about teenagers, which you are too old to be watching.
Here's another tip: Stop watching shows about teenagers! No matter what you do, you will never look like that 16 year old. Never! Your body is different now and it will never be the same again. But that's okay, because having a hot mom body is 10 times better than having a hot teenage body, because you've worked hard for it! Plus, it's illegal for your significant other to do what you two do with a hot teenage body. Remind them of that the next time you are watching some stupid reality show on MTV. Actually, why don't you just get rid of the television? It'll be better for your sex life.